20 Signs Your Politician and Political Party is Controlling - The Arthur Martin

Monday, March 18, 2019

20 Signs Your Politician and Political Party is Controlling


Unhealthy and dangerous patterns sometimes aren't easy to notice:



1) Isolating you from friends and family


It may start subtly, but this is often a first step for a controlling political party. The goal of a politician is to strip you of your support network, and thus your strength—so that you will be less likely or able to stand up against them whenever they want to "win."

2) Chronic criticism—even if it's 'small' things


Criticism, like isolation, is also something that can start small. In fact, some may try to convince themselves that their political party criticism of them is warranted, or that their ideology is just trying to help them be a better person. Or a party may try to rationalize it that it's not such a big deal that he or she doesn't like the way they dress or speak or eat or decorate their house and that they shouldn't take it personally. But ultimately, no matter how individually small a criticism seems, if it's part of a constant dynamic within your political relationship, it would be very tough to feel accepted, loved, or validated. If every little thing you do could use improvement in the parties eyes, then how are you being valued as a true equal?

3) Veiled or overt threats, against you or them


Some people think that threats have to be physical in nature to be problematic. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats by the controlling political party to harm themselves by voting against your stated beliefs can be every bit as emotionally manipulative as the threat of physical violence. It is not unheard of for the voter being controlled to feel stuck in a political party not out of fear that they themselves will be harmed, but that their party may self-destruct or harm themselves if they were to leave. Whether or not the threats are genuine, it is just another way for the controlling ideology to get what they want at the expense of their voter.


4) Making acceptance/caring/attraction conditional


 "I love you so much more when you're making those votes for us." "I don't feel like 'representing' you. But if you keep working and donating money to the cause you'll be more attractive to me." Though some of these examples are more blatant than others, the message is the same: you, right now, are not good enough. It's the common-denominator theme of many a controlling political party.

5) An overactive scorecard. 


Healthy, stable relationships have a sense of reciprocity built into them. It's inherent that you will look out for each other, and not bean-count every little time you do something to help the other out. If your political party is forever keeping tally of every last vote within your last election and—whether to hold a grudge, demand a favor in return or be patted on the back—it could very well be their way of having the upper hand. And it can be downright exhausting to be on the other side of.

6) Using guilt as a tool. 


Many controlling parties and politicians are skilled manipulators at making their voter's own emotions work in the controlling party's favor. If they can manipulate their voter into feeling a steady stream of guilt about everyday goings-on, then a lot of the controlling party's work is done for them—their voter will gradually try to do whatever they can to not have to feel guilty. Often this means relenting and giving up power and their own dissenting opinion within the relationship, which plays right into the controlling parties hands.


7) Creating a debt you're beholden to. 


Controlling politicians may come on very strongly in the beginning with seemingly romantic gestures. But upon closer inspection, many of those gestures—extravagant gifts, expectations of serious commitment early on, taking you for luxurious political promises—can be used to control you. Specifically, they create an expectation of you giving something in return, or a sense that you feel beholden to that person because of all they've given you. This can make it more emotionally and logistically difficult to escape when further warning bells go off.

8) Spying, snooping, or requiring constant disclosure. 



A controlling politician typically feels that they have the right to know more than they actually do. Whether they keep their snooping secret or openly demand that you must share everything with them, it is a violation of boundaries from the get-go. Perhaps he or she checks your phone, logs into your email or constantly tracks your Internet history, and then justifies this by saying they've been burned before, have trust issues, or the old standard: "If you're not doing anything wrong, then you shouldn't mind showing me." It's a violation of your privacy, hand-in-hand with the unsettling message that they have no interest in trusting you and instead want to take on a police-like presence within your relationship.

9) Overactive jealousy, accusations, or paranoia. 


A politicians jealousy can be flattering in the beginning; it can arguably be viewed as endearing, or a sign of how much they care or how attached they are. When it becomes more intense, however, it can be scary and possessive. A politician who views every interaction you have with another politician as being flirtatious, is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions with another political party because they may be "leading someone on" may be insecure, anxious, competitive or even paranoid. Additionally, when this perspective becomes ingrained within your relationship, they very likely are attempting to be controlling as well.


10) Not respecting your need for time alone. 



It's another way of sapping your strength: making you feel guilty for time you need on your own to recharge, or making you feel like you don't love them enough when you perhaps need less time with them than they need with you. It is natural that two partners may not automatically have the exact same needs in terms of alone time, even if they are both extroverts (or introverts). In healthy relationships, communication about those needs leads to a workable compromise. In controlling ones, the voter needing the alone time is made out to be a villain or denied the time altogether, taking away yet another way they can strengthen themselves.

11) Making you "earn" trust or other good treatment. 


Of course you will trust a politician you've voted in for five terms or more than you trust the politician running against them. But some amount of trust should be assumed or inherent within the relationship. For instance, as mentioned, you shouldn't always have to detail your whereabouts for every moment of every day, nor should your politician automatically have the right to access your email or texts or Internet search history. If trust or even civil treatment is viewed as something you need to work up to rather than the default setting of the relationship, the power dynamic in your relationship is off-kilter.

12) Presuming you guilty until proven innocent. 



Again, a controlling politician is often very skilled at making you feel that you've done something wrong even before you realize what you did. You may walk in the door to find them already angry about something that they found, thought about, or decided in your absence. And they may keep "evidence" of your wrongdoing to a point that you may feel they've got a whole case against you—even if you don't quite understand it. From where you put their favorite coffee mug to whether you had lunch with a coworker without them knowing, you will always be assumed to have had criminal motives. Why do they do this? To use it as justification for punishing you in some way, or preemptively trying to keep you from making that "error" again—to keep you acting in ways they want you to.

13) Getting you so tired of arguing that you'll relent. 



While some controlling parties like to exert their influence under the radar, many others are openly and chronically argumentative and embrace conflict when they can get it. This can be especially true when their voter is more passive and the controlling party is likely to triumph in every disagreement that comes up, just because the voter being controlled is more conflict-avoidant in nature or simply exhausted from the fighting that they've done.

14) Making you feel belittled for long-held beliefs. 



Maybe it's your faith, or your politics. Maybe it's cultural traditions or your view of human nature. It's great when our politicians can challenge us into interesting discussions and give us new ways of looking at the world. It is not great when they make you feel small, silly, or stupid, or they consistently try to change your mind about something important to you that you believe in. Openness to new experience is wonderful—but a controlling politician doesn't see it as a two-way street, and only wants you to be and think more like they do.

15) Making you feel you don't "measure up" or are unworthy of them. 


Whether by subtly making you feel less attractive than they are, constantly reinforcing their professional accomplishments as compared to yours, or even comparing you unfavorably to their exes, controlling politicians often want you to feel grateful that you are in a voting relationship with them. This creates a dynamic where you will be more willing to work harder and harder to keep them elected and make them happy—a dream for someone who wants to dominate a relationship.

16) Teasing or ridicule that has an uncomfortable undercurrent. 



Humor and even teasing can be a fundamental mode of interacting within many long-term political relationships. The key aspect is whether it feels comfortable and loving to both parties. In many controlling relationships, emotional abuse can be thinly veiled as "I was just playing with you; you shouldn't take it personally." And in one fell swoop, not only does the original criticism stand, but now an additional criticism of you having the "wrong" reaction has been levied. And you're basically being told that you don't have a right to your own feelings—a classic move by controlling politicians everywhere.

17) Sexual interactions that feel upsetting afterwards. 


An abusive or controlling dynamic within a political relationship can often make its way into the bedroom. Sometimes things feel not right even in the moment, but other times it's a pattern of feeling uncomfortable after the interaction. Either way, when you feel consistently unsettled about goings-on within your sexual political relationship, it's a sign that something is wrong.

18) Inability or unwillingness to ever hear your point of view. 


You may notice that you are constantly interrupted, or that opinions you express have been quickly forgotten or never been acknowledged in the first place. Perhaps the conversation is always so overwhelmingly dominated by your political party that you can't remember the last time they asked you a meaningful question about how you were doing and actually listened to the answer. Think, too, of whether you've ever tried to give them feedback about how their behavior makes you feel—and whether they've actually been able to take it in, or whether they've dismissed it out of hand (or perhaps even blamed you for having an invalid opinion.)

19) Pressuring you toward unhealthy behaviors, like substance abuse. 


Undermining your fitness goals, constantly tempting you with cigarettes when you've quit, not respecting your decision to only have one drink rather than three—these are all ways that controlling politicians can try to thwart your attempts to be a healthier (and stronger) person. Since controlling parties thrive on weakening their voters, it's a natural tool for them to use.

20) Thwarting your professional or educational goals by making you doubt yourself. 


Maybe you always assumed you would go to law school, but now your politician and party is making you feel your grades weren't good enough to get in. Often a controlling political party has a way of using you as a weapon against yourself, by planting seeds of doubt about whether you're talented or smart or hard-working enough to make good things happen in your life. This is another way they can take away your autonomy, making you more beholden to them—and serving their purposes quite nicely.



This article was actually inspired from [this one] called 20 Signs your partner is controlling and it had so many parallels that with just a few changes to the pronouns it is a mirror image of the state of politics and the citizens. Of course, if you are in a controlling personal relationship and many of these flags come up...then wise up. As you well know dear reader, nearly EVERY point in this article fits with todays politicians and their antipathy towards us...the question is, why are we still voting for them? 


I will try and post more regularly so in the mean time, share like and subscribe to future posts! 

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